“You’re right, but it doesn’t matter,” my sister Helene said.
This was her response after I shared about my refusal to comply with a background check request. The company I worked for ran one when I was hired. A client wanted to run their own. I said no.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You’re right that you’re not legally obligated to comply,” she explained. “They should provide the client with a letter verifying you passed a background check when you were hired. That should be enough.”
“I don’t get the problem then,” I said.
“You’ve identified yourself as someone who creates problems for leadership, instead of solving them,” Helene continued. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll be back to self-employment in no time.”
“Ha!” I laughed. “This corporate thing was a horrible idea for me, wasn’t it?”
“I give you six months,” she replied.
Any company would be stupid to hire me
It’s been three years since that conversation with my sister. I’m still working for the same company. During that time, I’ve had dozens of conversations with her like this.
It helps that she’s a Human Resources Manager with a company even larger than the one I work for.
Our talks, and what precipitates them, always follow the same playbook. Leadership does something illegal, unethical, or just plain stupid. I object. Leadership gaslights, mansplains, or threatens me. I’m outraged. I call my sister.
Helene tells me I’m right, but it doesn’t matter. Large U.S. corporations are all the same, she says. I either need to accept the reality of corporate America or go back to being an independent consultant. Otherwise, I’ll continue to make myself miserable.
At the end of our last conversation, I told her I was applying for new jobs. Her response surprised me.
“Don’t bother,” she said, “You’re unemployable.”
Corporate America is full of sheep
I was offended by what she said. She couldn’t be serious. Sure, I speak up when others don’t and ruffle feathers. But unemployable?
My reputation and salary demonstrated my value. Clients sang my praises. Any company would be lucky to have me.
After a long awkward silence, Helene continued, “I would never hire you, Vic. I couldn’t believe you got the job. You’re a lone wolf, not a sheep. Conforming to a large corporation’s expectations is not who you are. It’s abundantly clear in the way you present yourself. It’s obvious looking at your resume. I’m sure you’ve been a thorn in leadership’s side since the first time you questioned one of their decisions.”
“You’re not wrong,” I said.
“Do yourself and your company’s leadership a favor,” she said. “Go back to being self-employed. Everyone will be better off.”
She may be right.
Why lone wolves are a problem
Lone wolves have strong opinions, with a work ethic to match. They often play a critical role in a project’s success and are highly valued by leaders who want consistent wins. When leadership more highly values obedience, passivity, collaboration, and a “family-like” work culture, lone wolves struggle.
Lone wolves tend to be:
- Independent: Lone wolves highly value their autonomy and prefer to solve problems without help.
- Self-Reliant: They trust their abilities over others when deadlines must be met.
- Anti-Authority: Lone wolves don’t like being told what to do. They will especially struggle to follow rules and guidelines they don’t agree with.
- Socially Disengaged: They tend to keep their work and personal lives separate. Work is not a place where lone wolves make friends.
- Very Direct: Lone wolves value effectiveness and expediency, often at the expense of relationship building. Their directness can cause others to be offended.
- Extremely Creative: Lone wolves are gifted problem solvers who bring unique perspectives. Their solutions are innovative.
- Results Focused: They care most about getting a job done right. Lone wolves deliver high-quality results every time.
All of these characteristics are true for me. I can talk about my love of collaboration, but at the end of the day, I prefer working alone. My perfect week is one with few meetings and lots of work output. If I get to solve an unsolvable problem, even better. My sister knows these things about me.
And knew that I was not cut out to be a sheep.
Lone wolves can’t wear sheep’s clothing for long
Along with utilizing my sister’s expertise, I work with an executive coach. We meet weekly. Linda is the main reason I still have my job. She’s talked me out of quitting more times than I can count.
I first reached out to her when I struggled to navigate the background check situation. The majority of our sessions center around helping me decide which hills I’m willing to die on.
There have been three since I started the job — the background check, a sexist dress code, and retaliation. Everything else I’ve learned to accept, or if not accept, live with.
Linda also helped me draft a “why I stay” list. We refer to it when I’m evaluating the cost of forcing myself to be a sheep. My reasons for staying are:
- Work from home
- Generous salary
- Flexible time off
- Excellent benefits
- Independent work
- Terrific colleagues
As long as these reasons remain true, I’ll keep pretending I’m a sheep.
Time may be running out
My company, along with many other tech companies, is struggling. It’s not the same company I joined three years ago. We’ve gone through significant layoffs and other drastic cost-cutting measures. The focus is now on profit over everything else.
With this change comes greater pressure to be a sheep. The threat of being laid off looms large. While everyone complains behind closed doors, no one dares voice a dissenting opinion in front of leadership. Or even worse, in front of clients.
But voicing dissenting opinions is where I shine. It’s what my clients value most about me. I’m a trusted advisor who will tell them the truth even if they don’t want to hear it. If this is what makes me a lone wolf, I own the label proudly. I don’t want to be a sheep.
My sister was right — I’m unemployable.
